Happy belated July 4th!/Effing republicans.

Yeah, I’ve been neglecting my blog for a while now.  I should get back to regular postings after next week.

In the meantime, happy day-after-the-4th of July!  I hope you had a good time, and celebrated by overeating and watching things explode in the sky after dark.  I know I did.  One of the great things about the 4th is that uber-patriotism runs rampant and people feel even freer to express their jingoistic “America, fuck yeah!” viewpoints.  My day started off with a chain email – patriots love chain emails that tell why democrats are not patriots and run counter to everything America doesn’t stand for – that, because it came from my dad, I couldn’t read without chopping it up.  For some reason, everything my dad sends me that is forwarded (as in, chain emails) comes to me in some weird form that causes me to have to go through and pick out the message much like I used to have to try to see the naked boobs on scrambled cable TV.  Deciphered as best as I can, here are the nipples..uh, here is the chain email, with my editorial comments in bold (Yes, I know that just by the mere act of posting this I’m opening myself up to be labeled as a sterotypical whiny democrat.  Shut up.):


Which side of the fence?

If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!  No, I never wonder what “side of the fence” I’m on and I don’t need a retarded test to figure it out for me.

If a Republican doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.

If a Democrat doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.  http://www.reformed-theology.org/html/issue11/dont_blame_liberals.htm


If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.

If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.  Yeah, there are some people out there like that.  They’re called PETA, and the only people who like PETA are members of PETA, and I have a hunch some of them don’t even like PETA.


If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life…in the closet, trying to pass laws punishing homosexuals and keeping gay marriage illegal.

If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.  And what’s wrong with that?


If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation…but will certainly take advantage of welfare and unemployment if he or she can.

A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him.  Not much difference between the two.


If a Republican doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.  It’s really difficult for them to avoid MSNBC but somehow they do it.

Democrats demand that those they don’t like be shut down.  Sadly, this is true.  Democrats claim to be about freedom of speech but in practice are far from it.


If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.  Really, how many of those are there?  I’m sure the Republican Atheist Committee has about as many members as the Democrats for Jesus Club.

A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.  This is somewhat in reaction to things like publically posting the ten commandments, editing textbooks, and trying to turn America into a religious state.  And also partly because democrats are mostly whiny bitches.


If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it or may choose a job that provides it.  Or goes on Medicade or Medicare, or eventually uses the emergency room like everybody else.

A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his.  Not just “his” but for everybody else’s as well.  The “universal” part seems to be missing in that comment; an unfortunate oversight, I’m sure, on the part of the author.


If a Republican reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.  Ah yes, the passive-aggressive “this is just a joke, lighten up man!” method.  Trust me, I know passive-aggressive, and this is P-A.

A Democrat will delete it because he’s “offended”.  Confession time: I’m currently a registered Democrat – I used to be libertarian but I quit them when I kept getting official newsletters from the San Diego branch, that were filled with typos.  I’m going to reregister as an Independent, but that wasn’t expedient during the primaries.  So, I’m a Democrat and I’m not deleting it.  Yay stereotypes!


Well, I forwarded it. See, just in case you had doubt, the author had to ensure you knew he – about 90% chance it’s a dude – is a true-blood Republican.  Who, by the way, loves chain emails with half-truths and innuendos and doesn’t bother to check them before sending them out.  Critical thinking is not encouraged!


2 thoughts on “Happy belated July 4th!/Effing republicans.

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