Yesterday I was doing some last-minute shopping and running a few errands, and I had to stop by Petsmart to get some crickets for my daughter’s bearded red dragon. Lazy animal, him: I have to put him down and put the crickets in front of him to get him to chase them. How his kind survive in the wild, I have no idea. Anyway…as always I was in a hurry and when I went to pay there were two registers open, both currently checking out one person. At the first register there was a guy behind the person emptying their cart, and he had nothing in his hands and was looking at the woman and kid in the second line. They had a few items.
I immediately deduced what was happening, because I’m mildly clever. That dude was trying to split the lines; if the first line finished checking first he was going to have the people in the second line come over. I’ve done things like that before, so I know how it is. However…NEVER with only one person ahead of me who is already checking their stuff.
So, in a loud voice I asked “Excuse me sir, are you in this line?” He didn’t make eye contact and said he was. After a few seconds, the person ahead of us finished checking out and he said “OK, come over here!” and waved to the people in the other line. Keep in mind I had one item, crickets. Bitch he was waving to had a cart with about 15 items. I said “you’ve got to be kidding me” and as soon as I said that, another person with a cart slipped into the OTHER line ahead of me. I wasn’t surprised but it was annoying.
However, this minor annoyance has a good thing. A friendly Petsmart employee came up to me and said “Excuse me, you can come over to my register here” and opened up his lane for me. I finished checking and was walking out the door while the other guy was still putting stuff on the counter. Because I have an asshole streak in me, I waved to him and said “Happy holidays!'” on my way out – a salvo in the perpetual war on Christmas. He didn’t look up; he knew I’d won.
In closing…merry Christmas, everybody! Thanks for checking my blog out, and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a great 2011. And for the love of god, don’t get in front of me in the checkout line. You’ll lose.