After thinking it over for a good 90 seconds or so – about as long as most things hold my interest – I came up with some more outstanding reasons why you should vote for me. Read on, and be prepared to be convinced…like a boss.
After this post, I’m retiring my usage of “like a boss”. I’m a bit tired of it now, which I assume means you were tired of it at least a month ago. This shows that I will get the messages from my constituents and eventually act on them, if I feel like it.
At least half of my ex-wives would vote for me. The ultimate endorsement. Hell, it may even be 100% of my exes who would vote for me.
At least 33.3% of my direct family would vote for me. My daughter isn’t old enough to vote so she doesn’t count. Dad might vote for me, if I gin him up before he casts his ballot. Oldest brother: no fucking way. Which means he ain’t invited to the inauguration. Yeah, I hold grudges. That leaves the middle brother, and he’d vote for me 10 times if he could. Love ya, Bob!
I’m what they call a renaissance man. I fix military jets for a living and I make some damn good banana bread. Plus, I write a blog. Manly, versatile and artsy! Something for everybody.
I know all the words to this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnBKNPELeLo Warning: NOT SAFE FOR WORK!
Come on, what more do you want from a president?
Coming soon: more great reasons why you should vote for me, and an ode to Billy Joel.