Conspiracy theory/Glenn Beck

As those of you who live in the SoCal area probably know, we’ve had two shootings at schools in the last two days.  As the details emerge from yesterday’s shooting it appears that it was kid who had a gun in his backpack and it accidentally discharged; apparently he was being bullied.  It happened at would could be described as a rough school.  Today’s shooting was different; apparently a 40-year-old white man (hey, that’s almost me!) shot a cop right outside school grounds at a different school in a very affluent neighborhood.  Side note: if you saw any of this on the news, it looked like a police motor pool at the school; I’ve never seen so many cop cars at one place.

One thing I’ve learned about myself, in the wake of the Tuscon shooting, is that I’m just as suspect as your average loon to connect dots that don’t really connect after incidents like this.  With that in mind, I’d like to jump the gun on Glenn Beck’s show for tomorrow, with what I think he’ll be saying about these two incidents.

BECK: OK people, as I’m sure you’ve heard, there were TWO separate shooting incidents in southern California schools in the last two days.  One occurred in a poor neighborhood, one in a very rich suburb.  Now, you may look at these two incidents as separate events, and indeed they do appear to be just that – separate events.

That’s what they want you to think.  Who, you ask?  Who wants you to think that?

(Pulls chalkboard into view, puts on prop glasses and grabs piece of chalk)

Now, think about it: what’s going to happen because of these incidents?

(Writes INCREASED GUN CONTROL on chalkboard)

That’s right, increased gun control!  The left will use these incidents to try to take away our guns, or at the very least impose even more ridiculous restrictions on purchasing and owning them!  (Underlines INCREASED GUN CONTROL for emphasis)  Just like they’re already doing with the Tucson shooting. They want to TAKE AWAY YOUR GUNS!

(Writes GUNS on chalkboard, then draws a circle around it and draws a line through the circle)

With that in mind, let’s look at this a little more in-depth.  It deserves the scrutiny.  If this is the democrats’ long-term plan, to take away our guns, then doesn’t it make sense that they’ve done things to MAKE this plan happen?  Of course it does!  So the question then becomes, HOW are they trying to make it happen?

(Writes HOW? on chalkboard)

It’s incredibly simple and devious, people.  (Takes off glasses for emphasis)  These “random” (uses fingers for air-quotes) shootings aren’t random at all, they’ve been conducted by DNC moles.  That’s right, moles.  (Writes MOALS on chalkboard)  The democrats have been planning this for decades, ever since Ford was in office and beyond.  Just like Reggie Jackson trying to kill the queen in Naked Gun, the democrats have moles all over the United States, waiting to be triggered – TRIGGERED! – (Writes TRIGGERED! on chalkboard) for these “random” (air quotes) shootings which will make the American people more supportive of gun control!

Now, I’m not saying this is really happening, but think about it…it probably is.  It makes perfect sense!  Who benefits from these shootings?  Democrats.  Who, therefore, is probably planning them?  Democrats!  What is the only way they could pull this off?  With moles! (Underlines MOALS)  People, open your eyes!  Wake up, America!

We’ll be right back after these words from our sponsors.  Buy gold!



Coming soon: the promised ode to Billy Joel, and the reasons I want to be president.




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