Since I’m bereft of ideas at the moment, I’ll retell a story that came back to me at work today.
The year was 19 and 92, or maybe late 1991. I was a young Airman in my first squadron – HSL-45, which was also my last squadron in the Navy – and we we doing what the Navy calls work-ups, short deployments that help you prepare for the long one to come. This time we were doing three weeks at sea, broken up with a port visit to Seattle. This was my first and only trip to Seattle, and a friend who was on my detachment was from the area so he promised to hook us up with the cool places to go.
So, the first night me and a few other people ended up at a smallish club. Details are sketchy in my memory but I’m sure it was like a thousand other clubs all over the US – crowded, noisy, and slightly stinky. There was a band playing there that night called Venus Envy. Surprisingly, they still exist some 20 years later, and here is the proof:
I’m sure you can tell by a glance at the song titles that this is a band staffed with, and sorta geared toward, lesbians. Hey, I have nothing against that, and yes, I know that most lesbians don’t look like the lesbians in the porn I occasionally watch, any more so than I look like the men in porn. Other than Ron Jeremy, with less hair and a smaller rod. Anyway…Venus Envy was playing at the club we decided to hang out at, and for some reason – too much booze, being young and naive, not caring, or a combo of all three – I thought it would be a great idea to hit on some of the women in the band. Hey, I was young, somewhat attractive, and in the bottle a bit – it was a sure thing!
We hung around until the end of the show and then I went to meet the ladies. I really did enjoy their music, even though the message flew straight over my head; the songs they covered all had the words changed to be more lesbian-ish. They had a little merch booth where they were selling tapes and pictures, so I decided that was the place for me to make my move. I had a line that I was dying to use and the occasion seemed perfect. I went to the booth and introduced myself, and mentioned that I was with a Navy ship that was in port for a few days. One of the Venuses asked me where I was from, and I dropped my line: “Well, originally I’m from sperm, but recently I’m from the Antietam.”
I know, that is a horrible line, but surprisingly it didn’t entirely bomb. They laughed, and I bought a cassette and a picture. One of them autographed it for me as such: “To Glen, from sperm to the Antietam to Seattle! Thanks for the support.” It was right about then that one of my buddies told me “dude, you don’t have a chance, these chicks are lesbians!”
I was shocked, SHOCKED! No way! So, being a bit drunk, I wasn’t afraid to be direct. I asked one of the ladies “Is it true? Are you lesbians?” They all laughed and said that that was certainly a possibility. I decided to plow on. “So, that means I don’t really have a chance, right?” They took this well, and laughed again. I was disappointed, but I still got my merch and ended up talking with them a bit longer before going back to the ship.
I had that picture and tape for years, and they always made me smile when I would see them. I even followed Laura Love’s career for a while; she was the one I was hot for. She was exotic to me, the kind of unobtainable artistic woman I could only dream about. Here is her website:
This is still one of my favorite memories from the Navy. Sometimes, being a bit of a buffoon can be a good thing. I think I’ll order one of their CDs, just for the memories. Thanks, Venus Envy, for giving me something I’ll never forget.