Story time/Venus Envy

Since I’m bereft of ideas at the moment, I’ll retell a story that came back to me at work today.

The year was 19 and 92, or maybe late 1991.  I was a young Airman in my first squadron – HSL-45, which was also my last squadron in the Navy – and we we doing what the Navy calls work-ups, short deployments that help you prepare for the long one to come.  This time we were doing three weeks at sea, broken up with a port visit to Seattle.  This was my first and only trip to Seattle, and a friend who was on my detachment was from the area so he promised to hook us up with the cool places to go.

So, the first night me and a few other people ended up at a smallish club.  Details are sketchy in my memory but I’m sure it was like a thousand other clubs all over the US – crowded, noisy, and slightly stinky.  There was a band playing there that night called Venus Envy.  Surprisingly, they still exist some 20 years later, and here is the proof:

I’m sure you can tell by a glance at the song titles that this is a band staffed with, and sorta geared toward, lesbians.  Hey, I have nothing against that, and yes, I know that most lesbians don’t look like the lesbians in the porn I occasionally watch, any more so than I look like the men in porn.  Other than Ron Jeremy, with less hair and a smaller rod.  Anyway…Venus Envy was playing at the club we decided to hang out at, and for some reason – too much booze, being young and naive, not caring, or a combo of all three – I thought it would be a great idea to hit on some of the women in the band.  Hey, I was young, somewhat attractive, and in the bottle a bit – it was a sure thing!

We hung around until the end of the show and then I went to meet the ladies.  I really did enjoy their music, even though the message flew straight over my head; the songs they covered all had the words changed to be more lesbian-ish.  They had a little merch booth where they were selling tapes and pictures, so I decided that was the place for me to make my move.  I had a line that I was dying to use and the occasion seemed perfect.  I went to the booth and introduced myself, and mentioned that I was with a Navy ship that was in port for a few days.  One of the Venuses asked me where I was from, and I dropped my line: “Well, originally I’m from sperm, but recently I’m from the Antietam.”

I know, that is a horrible line, but surprisingly it didn’t entirely bomb.  They laughed, and I bought a cassette and a picture.  One of them autographed it for me as such: “To Glen, from sperm to the Antietam to Seattle!  Thanks for the support.”  It was right about then that one of my buddies told me “dude, you don’t have a chance, these chicks are lesbians!”

I was shocked, SHOCKED!  No way!  So, being a bit drunk, I wasn’t afraid to be direct.  I asked one of the ladies “Is it true?  Are you lesbians?”  They all laughed and said that that was certainly a possibility.  I decided to plow on.  “So, that means I don’t really have a chance, right?”  They took this well, and laughed again.  I was disappointed, but I still got my merch and ended up talking with them a bit longer before going back to the ship.

I had that picture and tape for years, and they always made me smile when I would see them.  I even followed Laura Love’s career for a while; she was the one I was hot for.  She was exotic to me, the kind of unobtainable artistic woman I could only dream about.  Here is her website:

This is still one of my favorite memories from the Navy.  Sometimes, being a bit of a buffoon can be a good thing.  I think I’ll order one of their CDs, just for the memories.  Thanks, Venus Envy, for giving me something I’ll never forget.


One thought on “Story time/Venus Envy

  1. Don’t feel bad most guys can’t score with lesbians..Lol. The part I like about the story is that you bought a “tape”. I can’t remember the last time I actually saw a cassette tape. Wow trips into the past are fun.

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