When I die.

Just became a grandpa for the second time today, and of course I’m now thinking about death.  Well, one really didn’t lead to the other, but on the way home I heard this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5L8-FTvSVxs

This song still gives me chills.  It makes me think of Freddie Mercury and his legacy and how awesome it is, and the words are more powerful than the music.  I got to thinking that this would be a good song to play at my wake, because here’s the thing: I want people to be miserable at my wake, at least at the start of it.  I want women crying because they’ll no longer have a chance with me; I want men weeping manly tears that somebody as awesome as me is gone from this earth.

Side note here: there will be no funeral because I’m gonna have my organs harvested and be cremated.  No sense in burying my corpse to let it rot, and spending good money on a coffin.

After this song I want an unveiling of my velvet portrait: me riding a t-rex with an albino tiger on a leash at my side, and I’m wearing a titanium crown with something explosive in my hand and a hot broad in a string bikini behind me.  I want the t-rex to be eating a unicorn.  There should be an American flag in there somewhere, and somebody playing guitar.  Fuck yeah.  And then this song will kick in:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcxM3Xhho78

Yes, I know, I hate almost everything Boston-related because of their annoying sports fans and teams, but this is the perfect song to kick off a party at a wake, and that’s what I want next.  Get the tears out of the way, sacrifice the virgin to me and party on.  I want complete strangers to have wild sex under my portrait, I want the cops to be called to break up the wake.  I wouldn’t mind a few strippers, female and male.  Something for everybody.  Rufies optional.  I want people laughing and happy, not because I’m gone but because they’re having a good time.  If a few fights break out I’m cool with that, as long as there’s a bro-hug at the end and everyone is cool.  Steak and beer will be the food and drink, and maybe Doritos.  Yeah.

Man, I almost can’t wait to die so I can see this happen.  It’s gonna be awesome.

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2 thoughts on “When I die.

  1. Have you seen ‘Get Low’ yet! haha Kinda the same premise! The guy planned his own funeral while he was still alive.

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