When I die.

Just became a grandpa for the second time today, and of course I’m now thinking about death.  Well, one really didn’t lead to the other, but on the way home I heard this song:


This song still gives me chills.  It makes me think of Freddie Mercury and his legacy and how awesome it is, and the words are more powerful than the music.  I got to thinking that this would be a good song to play at my wake, because here’s the thing: I want people to be miserable at my wake, at least at the start of it.  I want women crying because they’ll no longer have a chance with me; I want men weeping manly tears that somebody as awesome as me is gone from this earth.

Side note here: there will be no funeral because I’m gonna have my organs harvested and be cremated.  No sense in burying my corpse to let it rot, and spending good money on a coffin.

After this song I want an unveiling of my velvet portrait: me riding a t-rex with an albino tiger on a leash at my side, and I’m wearing a titanium crown with something explosive in my hand and a hot broad in a string bikini behind me.  I want the t-rex to be eating a unicorn.  There should be an American flag in there somewhere, and somebody playing guitar.  Fuck yeah.  And then this song will kick in:


Yes, I know, I hate almost everything Boston-related because of their annoying sports fans and teams, but this is the perfect song to kick off a party at a wake, and that’s what I want next.  Get the tears out of the way, sacrifice the virgin to me and party on.  I want complete strangers to have wild sex under my portrait, I want the cops to be called to break up the wake.  I wouldn’t mind a few strippers, female and male.  Something for everybody.  Rufies optional.  I want people laughing and happy, not because I’m gone but because they’re having a good time.  If a few fights break out I’m cool with that, as long as there’s a bro-hug at the end and everyone is cool.  Steak and beer will be the food and drink, and maybe Doritos.  Yeah.

Man, I almost can’t wait to die so I can see this happen.  It’s gonna be awesome.


2 thoughts on “When I die.

  1. Have you seen ‘Get Low’ yet! haha Kinda the same premise! The guy planned his own funeral while he was still alive.

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