I’ve heard a bit lately about a social contract that Americans should have with their country. It’s similar to the unwritten rules of baseball in that it is vague and varies from person to person. I don’t like that. I like my rules straightforward and written down, so I can refer to them for clarification. Therefore, I’m going to present my written Social Contract With America. If all Americans followed these 10 rules, our country would be a much better place.
Rule one – If you’re driving in the #1 lane and people are passing you in the other lanes, move over. Also, if you have a line of cars behind you that is more than four, pull over and let them pass.
Rule two – Don’t be a dick, most of the time. It’s OK to be a dick sometimes, and we all enjoy doing it. Just don’t make it a habit. Nobody likes to deal with a dick.
Rule three – Help others out occasionally. A little goes a long way.
Rule four – Think before you speak.
Rule five – If you’re going out in public, practice good basic hygiene. If you’re staying home, feel free to wallow in your own filth.
Rule six – Flush the toilet and keep the bathroom clean, in public.
Rule seven – Don’t root for the Yankees or Red Sox.
Rule eight – Show respect for others, even if you think they haven’t earned it. It costs you nothing to do so and you might just make somebody’s day. This rule of course does not apply if you’re in dick mode.
Rule nine – Work hard and have fun. Life is about balance, and you need to do both. If you can do them both at the same time, you’re doing really well.
Rule ten – Clean up after yourself.
That’s it. It really is that simple. If we all follow these rules, life will be much better for everybody.