So I had to write a very specific fable for my advanced creative writing class – it had to have an animal, have broad themes, and be about not doing homework, and be around 300 words. Of course, I thought of dung beetles.
What’s the point of this assignment? wondered Oswald the dung beetle. Determining the liquidity of various types of dung? Dung is dung! he thought. It doesn’t matter how liquid it is once you ball it up and roll it home. The heck with this, I don’t need to do this assignment. I can roll dung just fine without it!
And so Oswald didn’t do the assignment, and he didn’t learn about the liquidity of various types of dung. He still managed to pass all of his classes and he graduated Dung High School, although with no distinction and quite anonymously. Oswald didn’t attend his graduation either, because he couldn’t find a date for the Dung Dong Ball that followed. All of the dung beetle-ettes were more taken with the “rollers” (that was what the dung beetles called the jocks of the beetle world, the ones who made rolling poop into a ball somehow look simultaneously easy and artful) than they were with the “crappers” like Oswald, so he decided to avoid the embarrassment of rejection and not even ask any beetle-ettes.
After Dung High School, Oswald worked various odd jobs sorting dung for shady bosses, who then sent the superior dung to the Rollers for rolling, and worked Oswald until he couldn’t take any more and moved on to the next lousy job and lousy boss. Finally, after years of enduring this and seeing all the dung beetle-ettes with their dozens of offspring and going home to his empty, lonely hole, Oswald had had enough. He decided to go to Adult Dung School and he took a class on Dung Liquidity, and did so well that he then decided to take Advanced Dung Liquidity. He then took a Dung Volleyball class, because electives are fun and that’s where you meet the ‘ettes. After Adult Dung School Oswald started his next lousy job working for a shady boss, but he didn’t remain a Sorter for long. He started showing the Rollers how to better do their jobs, and soon after the shady boss promoted him to Roller. It was the second-proudest day of his life, right behind the day a few months later when he caught Betty-ette’s eye and all eight of her legs. Soon, they were rolling wonderfully foul balls of dung together.