Happy Octoberrest!

This post is in honor of the first annual celebration of Octoberrest, the holiday that should replace Columbus Day in the US.  Every year at this time we’re bombarded with information about how terrible Chris Columbus was (moderately terrible, even considering the times) and how awful it is that we take a day off work to celebrate his terrible-ness.  We’re also bombarded with the anti-pc crowd who have yet to find somebody they won’t back as long as they think they’re sticking it to whiny libs, telling us to leave Columbus Day alone.


My interest in this is purely selfish and lazy.  I like having a day off work in October and truth be told, I’m not picky about the reason for having it off.  True, if it was Hitler Day I’d make a token effort to get the holiday stopped or changed but I’d still enjoy the three-day weekend because I’m a lazy government worker.  I love long weekends, perhaps even more than I love liberty, justice, and doing the right thing.  I have my price, and it’s an extra day off.

I think the whiny libs have a point here, though.  Look at the real history of Columbus and you’ll see he isn’t worthy of a holiday.  I get that he lived in a different time, but that still doesn’t mean he should be celebrated.  Most of our holidays are for more recent historical events; we don’t need to justify the past.

However, I also sympathize with the people that want to keep this a holiday.  Not because of Columbus, but because of the day off.  That’s why I propose making the second Monday of October the Octoberrest.  A day of rest in October and you can celebrate it however you choose.  Just like in school how if you have a prayer time, you can pray to Jesus, God, Krampus, Ron Jeremey, or Whomever you want.  Octoberrest is non-discriminatory.  Celebrate it however you want within the boundaries of law, but completely free of the boundaries of decency if you so desire.  It’s your day of rest, do what you want to do with it.

Are you with me?  If so, then happy Octoberrest!


Mile-a-whatever blog: whatever

1.05 miles

20:52 pace

Got a late start today so I didn’t go as far as I wanted but the weather was beautiful.  To paraphrase Major League: we went for a walk yesterday.  We went for a walk today.  That’s two in a row.  If we go for a walk tomorrow, that’s what’s called a walking streak.  See ya tomorrow, with more to say.

Mile a whenever blog: The devil went through me!

1.12 miles

19:17 pace

Sometimes it’s an effort in futility to get my dogs on a walk.  One of them loves the walk but is mortified of putting the harness and leash on her, and whenever she senses I’m plotting to walk she hides under the bed and piddles if I pick her up.  Good times.  The other two dogs are tolerant and easier to deal with.

The highlight of today’s walk was the pace.  First time with the dogs under a 20-minute mile!  Well done, bitches.  The other notable occurrence was that on the way back a dust devil blew through us.  It felt great – the breeze cooled us off on one of the hottest parts of the walk and gave us an energy boost to get home.  Of course, there was also the murderous rage that I felt whilst in the eye of el diablo, which was oddly enjoyable in its own perverted way.  It went away, but just in case there’s some little bits of devil dirt left on me I’d advise giving me a wide berth today.

Mile-a-day blog: starting all over again

1.14 miles

20:24 pace

A good walk done in a bit of a hurry because I have to get ready for work early today.  Always a fun walk with the three dogs.  On the way out are pauses and tugs on the leash as they fall behind.  On the way back they suddenly find all of their energy and are bold explorers leading the way.  It’s a good way to start the morning.  See ya tomorrow, for sure.

Mile-a-day blog: comedy = tragedy that happens to somebody or something else

1.02 miles

22:55 pace

Correction to yesterday: today is two days in a row.  My math is terrible; evidently, I can’t tell the difference between one and two.  Anyway…as me and the bitches were walking today (or the bitches and I, if you prefer) were walking we came across a stinkbug doing stinkbug things, crossing the dirt road to get to its next pile of poop, or something.  The dogs, great hunters that they are, didn’t even see the bug and one of them almost trampled the little dude.  Of course the bug was offended and went into the stink-spraying position.  I imagined him (of course a stink bug has to be a male) talking in a thick New York accent saying “hey you bastards, I’m walking heah!”  We continued on our way, oblivious to the hardship we caused Old Stinky.

On the way back, a few feet from where we first encountered Old Stinky, we saw him again, diligently working to cross the road.  Again, the dogs were completely unaware of him.  This time he got knocked over and again I imagined the New York voice, “are you fucking kidding me!”  We continued on our way and I assumed the bug righted himself and resumed his work, but he’s probably gonna be pissed off for the rest of the day and will get drunk tonight, and probably end up a stinky meal for some predator with horrible but desperate food tastes.  All because of us.  We’re all guilty of bugicide.

I can live with that.

Mile-a-day blog: That’s two in a row

1.21 miles

20:18 pace

If I do a mile tomorrow, that’s a walking streak.  Good walk today, all three dogs pooped outside.  Much like the guy on “I Love You, Man” never picks up after his dogs, I never pick up after mine…in the mountains.  I walk them on a dirt road full of rocks and other debris.  Many vehicles drive the road every day, and by the end of the day all traces of the poop will have been ground into the desert sand.  It’s unnecessary, and it’s a break from picking up all of the shit that my dogs produce.  I swear, they shit about 25% of their body weight every day.  I admire their gastrointestinal systems, they evidently operate at peak efficiency.

Mile-a-day blog: Proportionality

1.13 miles

20:36 pace

Making progress on the distance and pace, I am.  But where the hell have I been?  Life keeps getting in the way but if you’re serious about something you’ll bend life to your will.  Today life was bent.  Tomorrow may be difficult because I have early morning places to be but Monday will have no excuses.

As I was walking today I was thinking about how as a culture we’ve lost any sense of proportionality.  Thanks, internet.  A few examples that come to mind are Ariana Grande and Nurse-gate on The View.  Ariana Grande got busted for licking a donut and saying that she hates Americans.  The former is gross, the latter is something I think to myself on a daily basis when I read Facebook comments.  She just got caught expressing that thought, and it was off to the races.  My wife was telling me about something she read where somebody said about Ariana (paraphrasing, of course): “If she sucks dick like she licked that donut it’s no wonder her boyfriend left her.”  This was a public comment.  My beef with it is that it’s just not that funny.  It’s an R-rated Jay Leno joke.  We can do better than that.  Anyway…of course there was a backlash and Grande has been in hiding ever since, so to speak.

Last week those nattering broads on the View stirred up some outrage when one of them made a weak joke about a nurse wearing a doctor’s stethoscope.  First off, again, it’s not that funny.  Second, I’m not enjoying that I’m defending the women on the View.  It’s a horrible show and I’ve watched it a few times, and I can’t get through an episode.  There’s nothing wrong with that though.  My tastes shouldn’t be a barometer for what is acceptable to watch and if I don’t like something I won’t watch it.  It’s that simple.  Those dingbats on the View are bound to say stupid things and of course people are going to react to it.  It just makes me wonder if it’s that what was said was so upsetting, or that we love our faux outrage so much that we have it on queue.

Another example: Chick-fil-A.  You remember them: average chicken sandwiches, great waffle fries and shakes.  Closed on Sunday, donates to some questionable (to me) charities.  I get that people don’t want to spend money in an establishment when the profits are going to people they disagree with.  I feel the same…for the most part.  That’s one of the reasons I don’t go there.  The other reasons, and the most convenient ones, are that it seems like the only time I see a Chick-fil-A is on a Sunday and I’m not crazy about their food.  That makes a boycott a lot easier, when it doesn’t inconvenience me in any way.

That said, I’m not waving signs or rallying like-minded people on Facebook or being an attention-whore about it.  I’m not trying to lord my assumed moral superiority over others in an attempt to guilt them into feeling the same way.  It’s just how I feel about the issue and if you agree with me, great.  If not, we can still talk and be friends, although I will harbor a reservation about you.  If you go to Chick fil A I won’t judge you.  However, if you decide to stage a rally outside of a Chick-fil-A to protest them, or if you make a big deal out of going there because you think gay marriage is horrible, then yeah, I’ll judge you.  That makes you at least a little bit of an asshole, and my threshold for assholes is right at my level of asshole-ery.

I’m just tired of the perpetual outrage machine.  It’s ridiculous and completely lacks proportionality.  If you followed me around all day with a camera you’d find at least 18 stupid things I did every day, and that’s a conservative estimate.  Folks would be calling for me to be fired and to…I dunno, never hold public office or even be in public.   It’s not because I’m an asshole, though.  I’m not, really, well at least not that much.  However, if you catch me at the right moments I’ll look like one.

Point is, we’re all assholes.  We’re all also good people.  We’re a lot of things, many of them contradictory.  Save your outrage for things that really deserve it, like Dick Cheney.  He’s a horrible person and no amount of outrage about him would be out of proportion.  Ariana Grande and the nitwits on the View are no Dick Cheney.  Neither is Chick-fil-A.