Two barely-related subjects mashed together…

The insomnia continues.  First off, there is this story:  http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8352711.stm

You know, the other day I was thinking that I wished there was yet another way to make women feel insecure about another part of their body.  Then I saw this article, and realized I needed no more proof for the power of positive thinking.  Well done!

I was thinking about that while watching late night/insanely early morning TV, which is filled with interesting infomercials.  You have your standby “Girls Gone Wild” ads (http://www.girlsgonewild.com/) which have (almost) totally ruined the thrill for me of seeing a woman take off her top (OK, not really).  Not only that, but Joe Francis, the CED – Chief Executive Douche – of GGW is such an incredible festering hemorrhoid of a human being that I could never buy anything that he is involved with.  Unless I found it in a used DVD bin, in which case the profits for his product wouldn’t be going to him, so I’d almost be obligated to buy it to make a statement against him, noble man that I am; the product would be, of course, irrelevant and (almost) never watched.

You also have various exercise ads, which always feature masculine women with small boobs (boooooo!) and hairless men with comic-book muscles.  Those almost motivate me to get back into better shape, but that cause wouldn’t be nearly as righteous as sticking it to Joe Francis, so it becomes much less of a priority.  I’ll get on that this weekend.

And finally, you have the sexual enhancement ads, to tie this back to my title and first paragraph.  Here is the website for the product, just to show I did an ounce of research for this entry: http://www.4extenze.net/     Extenze!  It’s all-natural (really, everything ever made is all-natural, but that is another entry) and approved by A Doctor who wrote A Book!  It must work.  Anyway, it all ties together with self-image, of which you need a healthy one to get sex – thus the exercise and the vaginal fixes – and once you DO manage to convince someone of the opposite sex (or the same sex, if you’re giving that the old college try) to take a chance and sleep with you, you’d better have the best equipment to satisfy your partner or he/she will eventually – sooner much more likely than later – get bored with you and move on to more fertile pastures.

Let’s take a minute to appreciate that last sentence.  I love it.

Back to the post.  So, just in case you don’t have a partner, you can knock out a solo, which is why the guys have the GGW videos and the girls have…um, porn designed to get a man off.  Except for that almost-constant focus on the penis, which is kinda gay.  Anyway, you have all of your options covered.  Wait, where was I going with this?  Oh yeah.  Back to the extenze.  Back to the penis.  Women have a wide variety of self-image issues to focus on, and advertising loves to make you think that whatever you’re obsessed about is far from perfect and needs their product to fix it, so you can get a man to pay attention to you while the sex is great and then eventually plot his way out of the relationship.  Unless you traded down to get him, in which case he’ll he harder to shake than HIV.  Men, however, have ONE thing to focus on, and boy do we.  Women, you already know the universe revolves around our dicks, right?  Well, that statement is untrue because it is plural.  For every man, the universe revolves around HIS dick, not anybody else’s.  It is a weird, elastic universe.  Since the universe does revolve around that focal point, from the moment we are taught to compare dick sizes we become obsessed with how big ours is.  Really, if we haven’t thought about it in the last hour, we’re either unconscious, insane or dead.

And the funny thing is, just like with women and their self-obsessions, it doesn’t really matter.  That much.  Well, at least as much as we think it does, OK?  Sure, for women a full, perky rack and/or a shelf-booty will help you attract some men – most of whom you wouldn’t fuck unless you were wearing your worst enemy’s vagina – but it isn’t entirely necessary.  Or maybe it is; I’m a man so I really have no idea, but it works for the purpose of this post.  For men, the size of your dick won’t help you initially attract a woman – unless you’re somehow working that into your approach, which I know some guys do (men call it the “1-in-10” theory, you figure it out) but it may help you in bed.  Some women do indeed prefer a bigger cock – I call them whores! – but most (a majority which can be as little as 51% and be accurate!) don’t care that much as long as it isn’t a softball bat or a thumb tack.

Men inherently know this, but we don’t care.  We want a bigger dick.  Why, you ask?  Trade secrets here, ladies, but I’ll give them out: we want to hurt you during sex.  Some more overtly than others, but the desire is there.  Some guys – I call them dicks! – go too far, with things like choking and degradation.  Other guys (read: passive-aggressive) like me just want that little gasp of pain and surprise at first that assures us we’re big dumb destructive animals.  And dominant over this new member of our herd (of one).  Extenze knows that!  No matter how big your dick is, every guy wants his to be at least a little bit bigger, and thinks he could do greater things – both inside and out of the bedroom – if only that were the case.  Our dicks are like magic wands crossed with Felix the Cat’s magic bag of tricks to us; anything is possible with them, but even better and cooler anythings would be possible if they were just a bit bigger!

So now you know.